There is one requirement for political parties to be accepted by the 100% literate populate of Kerala – they should have atleast two factions. The nice thing about having two factions is that you don’t need to waste time governing the state. When you have to fight the opponent faction all the time, who has the time to improve the state. Then, what is there to improve in the state? We already rank #1 in suicides and unemployment.
Factionalism is an artform perfected by Karunakaran, former chief minister of Kerala and the only witness to Parasurama throwing the axe ( the act which created Kerala). He wanted his son Muralidharan, famous all around Kerala for being Karunakaran’s son, to be given a good position. Sadly Muralidharan lacked the qualification even to be a road side eve teaser, and hence the Congress party ignored him. Karunakaran, who according to carbon dating is as old as Giant Sequoia tree, got angry. He quit the Congress Party and formed a new party called DIC (K), to remind everyone that it was a fight about “positions”.
After thinking of various way to humiliate the Congress Party, Karunakaran decided to join the Communists. That honeymoon lasted less than the time it takes for Arjun Singh to count the hair on his head. DIC (K) came running back to the Congress camp and decided to contest in 18 seats. Even people who were going to commit suicide forgot their worries for a moment and watched this reunion with excitement. Newspapers covered this news ignoring everything else. In the elections, all 17 DIC (K) candidates lost their deposits.
Now the Communists are in power and the Chief Minister is Achyutanandan, who claims that he too saw Parasurama throwing the axe. First of all the Communists did not want to give him a seat in this elections. Due to pressure exerted by “public”, he was given a seat which he won convincingly. Then there was no other option but to make him the Chief Minister, since he is one of the oldest Marxists. In fact Achyutanandan was a Marxist even before Karl Marx was born.
Since Achyutanandan was named the Chief Minister, cronies of Pinarayi Vijayan, Achuyutanandan’s nemesis, took all other cabinet positions. The aim was to make Achyutanandan a Chief Minister without portfolio. Achyutanandan, who in fact suggested the title The Communist Manifesto to Karl Marx, knew better. He ignored the portfolio list given by the party and gave his own list to the Governor.
It has been less than a week since the new Govt. took over and we already have the build up to a Mahabharata. Newspapers are already drooling at the prospect of this new guerilla warfare between the politburo, party state committee and the new Chief Minister. If anyone in Kerala is hoping for development, they will have to wait. This is more important.